New Beginnings

About 2 years ago I moved to Connecticut. This move was hard on me in many ways. I was coming out of a place that may should never have to venture. I never left my house, agoraphobia had basically taken me over and most of my interactions and relationships were online. I met some wonderful people in that little place call the "intrawebz" and spent a lot of time with a select few, who knew of my plight and that I also had a deep seeded desire to get out of my current condition but no means financially to do so. Unexpectedly they introduced me to someone who facilitated that move.

The move itself was hard. I spent months going through things and tossing out what wasn't necessity, including some of my spiritual items that had been tainted with crud from people who didn't have my best interest or my children's best interest at heart. What I could burn, I burned. What I couldn't, I buried. Some I shredded, if the words were written. Others I archived or sent back to the original owners. I kept NO gifts from a select group of people who had indeed been cause of great grief to my family. After a HUGE purge, I loaded what was left in a small moving truck and moved 1400 miles away from home. Now, I'm back in college, working on my degree in Psychology with goals of ultimately a Ph.D. I have an EXCELLENT job that just gets better everyday I'm working it, my youngest daughter is excelling in school in a way she never did at our old home. The list goes on forever. I have in truth but ONE Being to be thankful for. Mother....

I have at this point decided it is time to mark myself properly for Mother, The Dark one who encompasses my being. Lilith has been with my whole life and Hermes has strangely accompanied her recently and in the not so distant past. I have courted several other patrons but none have stayed for long but Hermes has made his bed within my soul alongside Lilith. However you wish to view them, this is my path.

On 4/10/2010 I will have a very large tattoo on my back done in honor of both Lilith and Hermes. Lilith as Caduceus. I think this is my only way of marking myself properly. No symbol is good enough, no cross, no star, no bird, no staff, nothing seems to fit. But this....this marking I'm excited for, I long to have it marked on my body so that I can show the World where I am today and Who I belong to. If you notice the avatar that is on this page, that is the base for the artwork. I will post pictures of the process as we go. The first visit is just the outline and I will have several more for coloring them in.

I can't wait!!!

Beginnings

It's been nearly 10 years since I started my journey with the Dark Mother. Although she's been with me all my life, it was then I became cognizant of her existence. A woman near and dear to my heart introduced me to Her and over the years I've come to realize the misperceptions that plague the depth of Her existence. From succubus, Mother of all Demons, first wife of Adam, wife of Samael, wind demon, stealer of children.....to Mother of all, Creatrix, Queen of Heaven, Keeper of Souls, Goddess of the Underworld, Earth Mother, the list goes on and on. How have we come to these obviously descriptive terms and who exactly is responsible for all of the shifts, the changes and where does She fit today in our fast paced society?

I hope that over the writings in this blog with the help of very trusted friends and those who I know have studied and researched as in depth as I have myself we can get to the bottom of the mystery that is...

The Dark Mother

Thor's Hammer

Hush don’t breathe
Not a sound
Air is listening
Wafting through

Carrying waves
Drawing him nearer
False moves
Thor’s hammer.

Sweet words
Drawing out
Sucking
Welping
Salty tears

Tasting sweet
Washing clean
Briefly solemn
Wonder why?

Lilith came to see me today
Whispered in my ear,
“Grab hold,
Don’t let go

Stand strong,
Stand tall,
Make the demons
Find your desire
Expel yourself.”

I followed
She guided my hand
If only death
Could break the hammer
Ending his reign
Terror that engulfs Bleeding
Serous wound

Artemis yelling
Screaming incessant
Offering me
My soul won

Heart recaptured
Breaking the hammer.
Engulfing it slowly
Spitting sour entrails
Oblivion

Soul Won!

1/28/00